This isn't going to be one of those happy-go-lucky-omigod-listen-to-PoundCake-as-she-makes-fun-of-society entries that you all have grown accustomed to... I won't post a hearing aid update. I won't talk about my derby progress. I'm going to lay down some cold hard facts that have been smacking me in the face harder than Joxer's headbutts, and quite frankly, a few things that I've been driving my self nuts holding onto.
I am severely depressed. It's a disease I've had for a while... Those commercials with the walking, talking pills or whatever are right about one thing, "depression hurts." It really, really does.
There are hardly words to describe the type of pain I'm in right now. I feel like I will never stop crying. I feel like I'm choking on air, I'm suffocating... There's this huge weight on my chest, and my heart is beating so hard that I'm pretty sure it's breaking. I'm weak, shaking, and I feel alone and without a voice.
Many of you are wondering what could cause this type of reaction. It's a culmination of things that boils down into one course of action that is impossible for me to take. Long story short:
I. NEED. A. BREAK.
I need a break from work (both jobs), I need a break from school, I need a break from bills, I need a break from alarm clocks, I need a break from my car. I need a break from this city, and all of the people in it.
I swear to god it feels like I'm dying.
I don't really know a better way to describe all of this pain...
I just know that I wish it would stop.
If you're out there reading this... Well... I want to say, "Help," but I don't know how anybody could help me right now...
