Insane in the membrane.

They finally put the bios up on the website, so you guys should come check it out!  Here's mine:

http://www.beckleyareaderbydames.com/kapowndcake.html

Here's the link to all the other fabulous dames:

http://www.beckleyareaderbydames.com/dames.html

Yesterday was one hell of a day... I had been talking with Cupcake the day before about my hopes and dreams for future bouts and I definitely got a doozy of information and some firecracker-up-my-ass motivation.  So yesterday at practice I tried to hang in there as long as I could - a few minor stretches when I really REALLY couldn't take it anymore- but I was good.  I did a pack drill that threatened to break my ribs (and I think that it might have broken a couple).  When I fell, the bottom part of my ribcage bounced (literally, BOUNCED) off the top of my thighs and the wind was knocked straight out of me.  I've had the wind knocked out of me before, but it never ceases to amaze me how terrifying it could be.  I had to turn over and lay for a minute.  Then the nausea happened.

I'm not a pussy by any means, but thinking even for a second that I could be sidelined with "motion sickness" (or whatever the fuck it is that happened to me at that exact moment) just filled me with fire.  I spat a few times into the trash can, took a swig of my fruit juice, and skated back out on the floor.

Then, it happened.

Sadly, I can't be in any more pack drills until I am agile enough that my captain feels it is safe for both myself and the other skaters.  I don't really blame her, but have you just ever wanted something so bad?  It literally pains me to think that my injuries have set me back so far from the rest of the girls.  I just want my shot.

But I have literally gone through hell and back with this team and there's no backing out now.  Every single time I get an injury, I'll get back up and keep on skating.  I will not quit.  I will not allow failure to reign over me.  No way.

Something sexy, with skates.

Ladies and gentlemen... There is a BADD girl calendar in the works.  :)  It is going to be sexy, with skates, and themes for each month.  I will send you more details when we get them, but here is a list of the dames representing each month:

January:  BADD team photo
February:  BADD Refs (Sgt. Squishy and Hottrod)
March:  Burn N Kel & Bodacious Baxter
April:  St. Brawly Girl & Windy Hellstorm
May:  Neuron Nihilator & Whatha Hill
June:  Starkiller & Phyllis Killer
July:  Blonde Bruiser & Miss Acquitted
August:  BADD Freshmeat photo
September:  Skulletta Lynn & Shank N Stein
October:  Cupcake Cadaver, Peanut Buttkickher, & Dolly Rotten
November:  Yula B. Hurtin' & Bonnie Blowtorch
December:  kaPOWndcake & April O'Kill

It's going to be awesome!  Get ready for the raddest, BADDest calendar under the sun!!!

Let me work on this.

I really need to start doing this thing on a regular basis.  That was part of the beauty creating this in the first place, the promises of regular updates and the exciting life of a deaf derby girl.  But, I digress... My time away has given me some insight and some ideas for future entries.

Hearing aid update:

I went back to the doctor and he turned them up.  Now I can turn them down when there's a loud piercing annoying noise (such as a brat screaming in the store... we ALL know there's a difference between a spoiled cry and a legitimate cry), and I can turn them up when I need to focus on a one-on-one conversation or the television.  So, good news. :)

HEARING AID BATTERIES ARE EXPENSIVE!  It's like $15 for an 8 pack or some shit, which isn't saying a lot because I have dual hearing aids that need to be changed out every week!  I mean, I like to hear, but damn, I like to eat too.

So, June 3rd!!!

And, most recently... July 7th!!!

I was so goddamn excited!  I mean, honestly, nothing compares to the hard work we've put in and getting results from that hard work!  HARD is always an excellent group of girls, and to be friends with them off the track is just an amazing thing.

July 21st Skeeter and I will be driving to Charleston to NSO (Non-Skate Official) for the Chemical Valley Rollergirls... They're friends of ours as well and great supporters of BADD.  Afterwards, we'll be crashing on McKilla Guerilla's mattress so Skeeter can hang out with one of his friends (Nick, McKilla's husband) and I can hang out with McKilla and Jennacidal. :)  Derby Awesome Overload!

So that's my deaf and derby update... 

I said something last post about incorporating more beauty and truth into my life.  I guess I need to provide you all with some sort of explanation for that.

Truth is, I'm not the same person I used to be.  The same things don't make me laugh anymore, I don't like the same music, the same fashion, the same jokes... The people I once found attractive I don't anymore.  I'm just... Different.  You can blame that on derby or you can take it at face value:  People. Fucking. Change.  They just do.  Rae told me recently that women don't actually fully develop their tastes or mindsets until they're 27.  And I know for GODDAMN sure that I'm not finished growing yet... My appetite has even changed.

I s'pose I'll address this here... Good of place as any...

With this growth I have discovered that certain people I once had in my life and even were thrilled TO have in my life just didn't fit in anymore.  One of these people happened to be one of my very dear friends that I have had since high school.  'Round bout 9 years... Maybe 10.  I'm no good at math.

I used to like all the same things that this person did, including chatting on the phone at the drop of a hat and even daily correspondence.  But as my life has gotten busier and I have changed more and more, talking to them, let alone ANYONE had become more and more of a chore.  I just didn't feel like it.

The backlash I got every time it would happen would publicly embarrass me that I could be friends with someone so childish, someone so crass.

Eventually I just got tired of having to explain myself after I had several times before... It was always just the same thing, and it SUCKED.

With the elimination of this person from my life I was called selfish, childish, and that I would, for lack of a better phrase die alone.  That I had thrown away everything for derby, my boyfriend, my cat, and independence.  So to that, I say, fuck yes.  WHAT ELSE DO I NEED IN LIFE BESIDES MY AUTONOMY, CAT, BOYFRIEND, AND ROLLER DERBY?!  A SPORT THAT LITERALLY BREATHED LIFE INTO ME???  You're not the only person that I banned from my life and I guarantee you won't be the last.  And I fucking PROMISE you that it wasn't because of derby.  It was because you were a selfish fucking BRAT who can't stand when people just don't want to talk to you.  I mean honestly, I can't put it any other way than that.  There are still people in my life and on my friends list that were there before derby and they're there now.  They'll continue to remain there as long as their friendship is worth investing in.  Yours just wasn't.  I don't need that negativity in my life, after explaining myself, COUNTLESS times about why you shouldn't be offended.  

In the end, I just didn't know what to do.  So I did the only thing I knew would make me happier in the end.